Confirmation or Assertion: II

Two Diagonal Sets: Approach Duality

It is evident from the TET diagram that the mentalities generate two diagonal sets. These two sets handle stabilization in opposite ways as follows:

  • Bottom R — Upper L: These use self-assertion which can ensure continuity based on personal autonomy.
  • Bottom L — Upper R: These use external confirmation which can ensure positive support from a reliable source.

Both requirements are so central to a comfortable existence that most of us have a preferred mentality from each diagonal-set.

See below: Comparison of methods on the External Confirmation diagonal.

See previous Topic: Comparison of methods on the Self-Assertion diagonal.
See later:  Exploration of natural pairings using each diagonal.

External Confirmation

External confirmation of your sense of self is fundamental to the methods that lie along the diagonal that stretches from bottom left to top right.

  • Vital existence supports the sense of self because the body is the vehicle for existence as a person and seems wholly separate to the mind (which is used for other things). By turning to physical activity, including sex or brawling, a person feels confirmed and this blocks out or relieves stress. Other bodily activities that are calming and generate well-being include smoking, drug-taking, using alcohol, eating and drinking.
  • Social existence provides support and stabilization because society and its groups value active loyal participants and reward them. Group values contribute to the need for any viable project; and the resulting achievement not only leads to prospering but also boosts social status. Groups celebrate voluntary contributions in ways that are gratifying and validating.
  • Sensory existence provides personal support and stabilization for the self because that is the principal purpose of any relevant network or circle. Confirmation takes the form of non-demanding contact, social recognition, easy availability, automatic positivity, and spontaneous emotional boosts.
  • Relational existence provides stabilization and support for the self through developing relations where there is mutual understanding and a willingness to assist. It is also comforting to know that the inter-personal connection persists despite time and distance.

Dependability

Dependability is the issue when external confirmation is expected. The methods do not and cannot provide total protection against loss of support. However dependability increases in moving up the diagonal.

  • Vital existence is least dependable because ageing with loss of vigour is inevitable. The body is also prone to accident and illness, often from the physical exertions that are so natural and necessary. Musicians need physiotherapists just as much as footballers. It is possible to get treatments and prostheses in modern times, but they are evidence of loss or decline. (The vulnerability of bodily existence was the observation that led Buddha to seek enlightenment.)
  • Social existence is more dependable because the relevant society persists regardless of the comings and goings of its members, and groups are numerous and welcoming. While success is rewarded in any social setting, failure is always possible, and almost anyone can be irrationally condemned, neglected or scape-goated. An unavoidable danger is the way society and groups evolve in unpredictable ways leading to changes that give no heed to the effects on any member. This must surely be one source of the common resistance to change.
  • Sensory existence is significantly more dependable still, because it is so easy to use and because networks and circles exist to provide support. Even if members drop out, fall ill or are absent, someone will be available and ready to share a drink and chat, whether to encourage, commiserate, advise or just pass the time. The main problem is that the support may not run very deep or be sharply focused on the particular stressful issue.
  • Relational existence is the most dependable because cultivation of any relationship assigns it a high value. In such relationships, which may well last a lifetime, many issues can be discussed and stresses shared. If sharing or help is not possible in one relation for some reason, then it will be in another. If a bond breaks or ends due to death, new relationships are possible and pursued naturally.

Methods on the Other Diagonal

Receipt of external confirmationof your existence (or who you are) is a universal human requirement. However, lack of such support does not necessarily weaken the methods on the self-assertion diagonal; and getting it does not ensure needed stabilization. The self-assertion methods look to the environment to be compliant or to function as a mirror, rather than playing a role as an independent determinant of stability.
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Originally posted: 17-Oct-2014. Last updated: 19-Dec-2014.